When I was taking the MSF class the first time, I almost quit.
It was a HARD growth process for me. I started it knowing nothing about how to operate the machine. I also had to overcome some SERIOUS phobias, known and unknown, in order to pass my skills test, all in less than 24 hours. See, I didn’t “grow up” around bikes, in fact I lost a friend when I was 16 on one. I’d ridden on the back of one for 18 years at that time. But that’s a whole different experience apart from driving one, BY MYSELF.
The MSF class on its own was SUPER high stress, thanks to my military instructors and my own fears and frustrations. And it was WET and COLD the entire second day, like Noah’s Ark kind of wet. I ruined a pair of gloves in that class. I seriously ALMOST gave up. I almost dropped out. At one point, I am pretty sure I was almost cut from the class (yay, friction zone).
But I didn’t drop out. I passed. I took that card home like a trophy, literally as proud of it as I was of my educational degrees, certifications, and licenses. I worked HARD to get that card. And I really wanted to pass, and be a GOOD independent rider, not just a “woman driver” statistic.
I DIDN’T QUIT. I wanted to a few times, but I just didn’t. I couldn’t. I WOULDN’T. Other people thought I would quit too. Family members told me they never saw me as a rider. Friends just smiled that “are you kidding/not me/really…you ride?” squeamish smile when I told them what I’d been doing all weekend.
But I did it. And two years later, I’m STILL loving it. Learning every ride. Improving.
Lately, I feel like I’ve fallen off the blogging wagon. It’s been AGES since I sat down and allowed myself to write. I wish I could say it’s because I’ve not had time, although that has truly been the case sometimes. But truthfully, I suppose I’ve just not WANTED to. Even though I sincerely love to write, and even though I think about writing often, I’ve simply not allowed myself to sit down and just WRITE. See, for me, writing holds a massive level of transparency that I am just no good at faking. I am truly a “what you see is what you get” kinda girl. I’m no good at putting on airs. The way I write is truly the way I talk, one on one. Usually, it’s when I’m NOT talking that you should probably worry about me…
But even I need to stop and breathe, to reflect and process.
To just take a BREATH.
Y’all, I’ve been in a serious season of “re-do.” I’m redecorating and repainting EVERYTHING. Cleaning out closets, cabinets, and drawers. Throwing JUNK away. Getting rid of things that are perfectly fine, but have no real meaning to me. I’ve been looking at all the things and even people currently in my life, and the WHYs of having them in my life. I’m rediscovering the things I truly love, and identifying the things that are just taking up time and space. There seems to be a LOT of that. But I’m working on removing the “empty” to make room for what I really love in my life.
That’s my word for the year. And that is NOT an easy thing. Identifying them is only half the battle. I’ve found that for every one thing I’ve removed, and every priority I’ve put into proper place, there’s always SOMEONE who’s going to challenge it and expect me to defend that choice. And quite frankly, I’m over it. But, I suppose in the process of defense, I become even more convicted in my choices, so I guess that’s good thing.
I suppose all this is to say, “I’m back.” I sincerely hope you missed me, even a little bit. And I sincerely hope my voice is something that you have room for in your life. If so, please do your part by liking, commenting, and sharing. It helps. But even if you don’t…?
Well, I’m no Drop Out.
Rock what you got, and leave the rest to Him. He’s waayyyy better at it all anyway.
Hugs and love, friends. Talk to you soon.