Learning Curves…

Today, I really don’t have an amazing riding story I want to tell you.  While I have been on a few beautiful jaunts lately, and on a few sweet date nights riding with my Hunky Hubby, honestly that’s not really what’s on my heart.

I’ve been doing some freelance writing for a couple of Moto Blogs and Magazines (Y’ALL, SUCH FUN!!!) and in the process I have been digging through some older riding photos to include in publishing.  Doing so, I’ve revisited the very beginnings of my riding days, both as a pillion rider and as a driver.

It’s hard to believe it’s been two years of independent riding for me now, and I’m shocked at how I’ve changed as a rider, and also, how I HAVEN’T changed.  I’m still SUCH a newbie.  There are some riding skills I really can see growth in for myself.  Things that have led to perspectives shift, sometimes so subtly it’s not even noticed.  Things like thinking about looking through the curves, “outside-inside-outside” line choices, and spinning all the plates of throttle/clutch/front brake/rear break that seemed so overwhelming before are coming so much easier now.  I’ve learned some lessons the hard way, like paying attention to incline when I put my foot down, cause I’m SHORT.  But I’ve learned them none the less.

Then there’s the skills I know I’m nowhere near proficient with yet:  Trusting my braking speed in an emergency and not busting my tires loose, thereby increasing the pucker factor. (just omg!)  Trusting the lane placement of my bike and the level of lean I can maintain on a left hand corner without feeling like I’m hanging over the yellow line, about to get my head smacked by a truck mirror.  Trusting my throttle speed while setting up for a curve rather than laying off for a split second and shifting the weight of the bike in an unfavorable way.  Knowing that more speed (within reason) is usually a good idea, because lumping through a corner at 25mph is not really SAFE, nor is it any FUN.  What’s the point of riding if it isn’t any fun?  Of trusting that a lot of accidents a rider experiences can be due to the hesitancy to ACT when in doubt.  I still have so MANY major areas of growth still to work on…

And thoughts have been running through my head about the way I FELT when I first started riding.  I was nervous, thrilled, exhilarated, proud, and terrified all at once.

But really, I was MOSTLY terrified.  Like, paralyzingly so.

See, I’m not really a RIDER.  ME?  I’m a 40+ year old wife, a mother, and a teacher.  My Hunky Hubby is the real Rider.  Me?  I’m a Singer, aka a Diva.  And I look really good ON THE BACK.

And this whole independent riding thing?  What if I get hurt?  Worse, what if I hurt someone else?  What if one poorly executed corner forever alters my quality of life, my family’s, or someone else’s?  What if I lay it over at a stoplight (which has almost happened twice) and break my ankle or get hit from behind?  What if an In-A-Hurry-Left-Hand-Turner thinks his coffee is more important than my right of way?  These things all contributed to hindering my choice to learn to ride for a LONNNNG time.  LONG time.

But really, in my reflections, I’m seeing my biggest hinderance was ME.

I’m not good enough a driver.  I don’t trust my instincts.  I don’t trust myself to properly see the ever-changing situation and execute the skills needed to stay alive, never mind actually ENJOY the ride.  I don’t trust myself to be capable of learning what I need to learn in order to get better at riding.  I don’t trust myself not to screw up and cost someone something.

I.  Don’t. Trust. Myself.

See, I’m not by a nature a wildly adventurous person.  I think maybe deep in my heart and under different life circumstances, I COULD have been, but because of a thousand different things that formed and shaped me as I grew, I’m just NOT.  Instead, I’m always the stable one.  The strong one.  The fixer.  And I’m a MAJOR creature of habit, not because I love ritual that much, but because really I’m a big ole Hot Mess and habit is the only way I can effectively function at the level I do.  I’m a rule follower, and a serious multi-tasker.  Hopefully, people know I’m the one who would give everything to help them, even (a lot of the time) to a fault.  I give because I love.

Life, much like riding, often tends to throw curves in where I can’t SEE past a certain point.  It jacks with my routine, people.  It unsettles me, and it causes me to wobble on the throttle.  I end up going 25 miles an hour around a corner that would be WAY more fun and actually SAFER at 40mph, all because I don’t trust myself and my abilities.  I still may get around that corner, but there’s no Joy in it.  Only fear and distrust.

Right now, I’m seriously in this season of life where I need to RESET a lot of areas.  I need FRESH.  There have been so many changes in our lives the last five years, and so much back and forth in so many major areas that I’m just wiped out and over it.  That, along with some health issues and family drama have simply drained my Joy and faith in my own abilities.   I’ve lumped along at 25mph when I should have been leaning in and taking the corner with more speed, even letting out a yee-haw as I go.  My heart has whispered and even shouted that it’s time for a reset.  I’ve begun to realize I have spent so much time MAINTAINING and even just simply SURVIVING, that I haven’t even really thought about GROWING or LIVING like a D.i.v.a.  I have definitely not been leaning into the curve and enjoying the ride.

(Tell me I’m not the only one who feels this way, please???!!!)

I am TIRED.  Aren’t you?

I’m TIRED of not trusting myself.  And I’m TIRED of not trusting Him to be strong where I am weak.  Tired of not listening to Him whisper to my heart that I AM worthy, and that I CAN grow and get better at things that are important to me.  That what’s important to me is important to Him, because I am important to Him.  That maintaining in my life is NOT living as an Overcomer, or having HIS Life and Joy abundantly.  And it is NOT what He has planned for me, or what He created me for.  I’m tired of the negative thinking I’ve unknowingly adopted that I probably “can’t,” that “there’s no time for it,” or that “it’s not important enough” to focus on.  I’m tired of not trusting myself to grow, and not enjoying the curves that come along my road.  I’m tired of stale.

Y’all.  I’M. TIRED. OF. IT.

So here I am.  I’m making changes.  I’ve been prayerfully re-prioritizing my time, my rituals, and my thoughts.  Those things that are important to me like my sweet family, writing, going to the gym,my makeup biz, and moto riding?  They get TIME.  People who want to be a part of my life?  For them, time will ALWAYS made.  The excuse there’s “no time” is no longer valid in my world.  If it’s important to me, I’m MAKING time.  I’m actively seeking Joy again.

And those areas I’ve been super fearful in?  I’m learning those areas are usually the ones I am finding the most Joy in conquering and in overcoming, like the D.i.v.a. I am.  Those are usually the areas He whispers to my heart a little louder, and I can feel Him smile as He guides me a little faster through the curve in front of me.  My heart skips and thrills at the same time along the way.  He delights in showing me He is there and that’s He’s got me.

So, I challenge you.  I challenge you to really look at THAT area of life you have been fearful in.  I challenge you to lean INTO the curve of life rather than wobble the throttle in doubt.  Trust your instincts, and trust in Him to fill the gaps in where you are weak.  Seek out the answers, and GROW.  Prayerfully choose your road, your ride, and your lane position.  Pick a line, look through the curve, grip the tank with your knees, then GO.  Apply that throttle, and lean into it.  See where this Ride takes you.

And if you let out a whoop like I usually do when you nail it, we’ll all smile and celebrate with you.

Rock what you got, and leave the rest to Him.

I’d love to know what you think.  Please comment below or email me with your thoughts! And do a Diva a favor-hit Like and Share! ❤ 

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One thought on “Learning Curves…

  1. Well said Kaci😊 I can relate. I feel pretty confident while riding it’s other life stuff that stumps me. I too need to press through my comfort zone and put myself out there in many areas. In my new business ventures I have had to do this and there have definitely been a few growing pains! Sometimes massive action gets us through more smoothly then wobbling through the curve. I’m ready to pull the throttle in the curves with ya girl!!! 🏍🏍🏍

    Like

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